So I scored a Free! bag of Baked! Ruffles® today. One of the ladies I do handywork for bought them by mistake and laid them on me (Layed them on me…?). Pretty good deal, I think, y’know, being free and all.
Actually, I like the Frito Lay line of Baked/Low-fat/Organic snack-ums. Except for the Cheetos, I think they’re as good or better than their standard, fried counterparts. Plus I can pretend I’m being healthy when I devour an entire sack of chips…
But here’s the funny bit: I just noticed that the full name of the snack item in question is: Baked! Ruffles® Original Naturally Baked Potato Crisps. Naturally baked? Really? Like, they laid them out on hot rocks in the desert? Or got them really toked up on some primo weed?
Seriously? Baked naturally? Is it just me, or aren’t all methods of cooking kind of…unnatural. I mean short of handing a Holstein a golf club during a thunderstorm and hoping for the best, isn’t cooking kind of inherently artificial?
I suppose certain arguments could be made for fermentation and dehydration. Throw an apple out in your backyard. A nice restaurant at first, but wait for it to turn to cider. Bug City just got a brand new bar and it’s name is Oh, Hell Yeah! Bees and wasps just go nuts for some juiced apple juice. And Dried! Jerkee-Yum: Naturally Baked Carrion Crisps? What dog/possum/vulture/etc could resist?
But since the Frito Lay probably makes about, I don’t know, a gazillion bags of these things a day, think they really have time to wait for nature to takes it’s course? That’s a helluva lot of little flat rocks in the desert sun.
Besides, even if they laid ‘em out all nice and neat somewhere in the Sonora, sure bet some damn scorpion on his way home from Juan’s Fermented Agave Palace would stumble across them and whammo! there they’d all go. Seriously, that’d have to be like the invertebrate equivalent of Krispy-Kreme®…
Tags: baked chips, Frito Lay, Humor, natural food
6 May 2008 at 12:35 pm |
I’ve had the baked Doritos before – they didn’t suck. Whatever I got from Target the other day, though…I think they were smoky bacon cheddar baked (don’t recall if they were natural or unnatural…maybe SUPERnatural?) were ick-foo. The smoky was wrong, the cheddar was visually orange but lacking in any sort of cheddar-y taste, and the bacon was this weird after the fact sensation as if you’d eaten something else completely and whoa, suddenly bacon! I sampled a few and then threw them out.
I was rather happy-sad over the whole experience. Happy that at least here is one chip that I *don’t* like and sad because I should have picked something less bad. Oh well.
6 May 2008 at 1:18 pm |
Well, okay, admittedly I haven’t tried the whole line. I tend to shy away from the powdery dried cheese varieties–I’m fairly certain they contain the snack-food equivalent of crack. Sounds like too much ammonia in the last batch…
6 May 2008 at 1:19 pm |
Oh! And madame, your link is down…
Just thought you should know.
6 May 2008 at 11:57 pm |
no, i think it’s just that i forgot a dot. how about this:
veiledexuberanceDOTmotimeDOTcom
i think that should work.
or something.
6 May 2008 at 11:59 pm |
i knew there was *some* reason i kept eating those cool ranch doritos. it’s the crack! actually, i’m pretty sure there’s something in them that i’m addicted to. maybe it’s citric acid. it makes me all tingly. *tingles pleasantly* oh. sorry. maybe i should tingle more privately. *tingles more privately*
7 May 2008 at 4:51 am |
Ohhhhhhh….he’s such a big, cute, fuzzy, giant bunny!
Oh, and yeah, the new link worked…
And while this privelege does not extend to the general public, you are entirely welcome to tingle to any degree anywhere near me anytime.
[beat]
I think I just had a moment…
8 May 2008 at 3:57 am |
gosh, i hope you’re looking at it with firefox. everytime i open it up in IE i cringe at the size of the bunny. GIHUGIC. that’s powder. i’ve desaturated him. don’t worry, it didn’t hurt. he was masked all the way, baby.
*notes rules for tingling* (or lack thereof) k. will keep in mind for future reference.
the rabbits and i had some cool ranch doritos tonight. they like them, too. but they love pretty much anything that’s crunchy and salty together. maybe that’s why we get on so well. i’m sure doritos are not *good* for bunnies, so we will probably not be trying this particular experiment again. i do, occasionally, share triscuits with them, though. they lurve them. bunny lurve.
as i was walking home from the grocery store, i passed this house with a big picture window. and in the window was a cage. and in the cage was a tiny fluff of a bunny – grooming itself by a sliver of moonlight. ooh! bunny! i almost, almost went up to the window to take a closer look…but that might have been freaky for the people inside watching the tv. i try not to loom up on people. usually this isn’t a problem since i’m not SO tall that i’m scary. but you never know. darkness makes everything seem…you know, DARKER.
8 May 2008 at 4:18 am |
He is double super-sized, but I likes ‘em that way. Monsterific cutenes…
I bailed on Firefox last time I had to reformat my hard drive. Ended up with IE-whatever-version-Firefox-imitation. S’pretty much the same ride, for my purposes anyway.
My cats love any cheesy-crispy treat. Must be the citric acid… And Pringles, they go nuts for Pringles. The dog will eat most anything vaguely edible-seeming…
Maybe you should tote some bunny ears with you. Then if you needed to commune with another bunn, you could don them, and the peeps inside would just think, “Wow. What a great big bunny that is… Oooh look, Regis is busting a move on Breakin’ with the Starz…!”